CPs Make Us Dumb!

Beware: CPs Make Us Dumb!

(Please don’t take this article seriously. This nonsense can make you dumb – Lol!)

Yes, you read the title right. CPs make us dumb. And since I have been dumb since I was a fetus, I have now become dumber!

I think it was two days ago (I am not sure) when I read over the net (I can’t remember now which site) that the continuous use of cps (cellular phones – if I got it correctly) could make us dumb (or something like that; I can’t remember how it was stated). And my initial reaction was, “##$%@!&*)(=_-[][]!!”

Yeah, it sounds moronic and I don’t even know why I had a good lot of time reading it.

Anyway, the article had just confirmed my belief that there is something more from possessing and using cp’s. I have four active cp’s in use; one is for a roaming, one is for a Saudi line (for wholesome personal use), one is for another Saudi line for (unwholesome, uncanny use – lol), and the fourth one is a company hotline (for strictly serious ‘monkey’ business use – lol). And I don’t remember the number of any one of these lines! In fact, if someone would ask me any of these numbers, I have to go turn my back sneakily from that asking someone, then I would open my cp, search for a conscientious friend in my phonebook, message him up to ask if he could text me my number ASAP. And only when that friend obliges that I can confidently go back to the other waiting, unsuspecting, asking someone to proudly proclaim to him my number. It’s pretty ingenious but only at the expense of a “conniver”.

I remember an instance (I am not sure exactly the date, time, and location) when I misplaced one of my cps (I can’t remember which one). I immediately rattled and it took me a little while to figure out how to address the situation owing to the minimal portion of my brain working for my minimum intellectual requirement at that time. And it took me really hard to figure out what that minimal-portion-of-my-brain was telling me. Finally, it came to me that it wanted me to use my other cp to auto dial the number of the lost one. It did ring – and from inside my pocket!

See my point? Simple memory work like remembering where I placed my cp (which for genius people can easily be handled by the little tissues in their fingers, particularly the thumb) cannot anymore be done by my brain! And all these are because of my excessive use of cps.

Actually, the main reason why cps accelerate brain degeneration (and I have forgotten the meaning of that word too) is because first of all, it perks up the production of laziness-inducing hormones in our body (I can’t believe I just said that seemingly-intellectual statement!). And this is how it works according to a friend whose name I can’t divulge owing to security reasons and I can’t remember his name too. And please don’t relay this information to anyone –

Every cellular phone emits a radioactive force that our brains catch. This radioactive gets into our system and in turn, causes the production of lazy hormones. When these lazy hormones travel inside our body and reach our fingertips, they surprisingly attract keypads! Yes... keypads, and only keypads. And this magnetic attraction finally causes us to press and press keypads all the time! – Thus, the addiction. This addiction is called SMS or “Stupid Messaging Syndrome”. And the key effects are: one, it makes us lazy by depriving us of our ability to perform normal works because our fingers are glued to the keypads all the time, and two, it makes us dumb by reducing our ability to think, analyze, and remember things because all we do is press and press those stupid letters and numbers on the keypads! And the chain reaction just goes endless. With one SMS-infected person sending stupid text messages to others, and the others become infected too, sending text messages to other would-be stupid victims.

I now understand why my boss does not use nor patronize the use of cp. When the best unadulterated minds in the world invented cp’s (and I don’t know whose minds are they), he was so skeptical and uncompromising that he never keeps nor uses any of it at all, in spite of its being a “must” in his job. In case an emergency arises while he’s at home and we need his urgent disposition in the office, all we do is phone one of his aides and tell him to contact our boss. And since this aide happens to be a hundred miles away from my boss’ house, all he does is rush to the open desert, gather twigs, dried camel or scorpion droppings and create fire. Then he repeats the thing over and over until the smoke billows up high and forms something like “S-O-S” (which I don’t know the meaning; but I figured it could be “Son-Of-a-Shit”). That’s the time when my boss scampers. You wouldn’t believe it is so effective that the next time another emergency happened we just pretended it never happened at all. And I am not making up these stories; I mean, except for the “S-O-S” thing; pretty ingenious, huh? My boss is so clever he knows what harm modern gadgetries could do to our bodies. Until now, my boss remains to be so clever while we, the SMS-infected people, have become dumber and dumber every day. 

I wish that some people from the science community could read this journal and invent a cure before all of us become dumber and dumber and dumber. That is, of course, assuming that the science community have never become dumber and dumber themselves too.