Of Superstition, Mom and the Little Rascal

My mom is a full-blooded superstitious. She believes in things like, “a cat should never be bathed (or a lightning will strike)”; “nails and hairs should not be trimmed in the evening (coz it cuts away the luck)”; “a woman should not leave her panty overnight at clotheslines outdoor”, (or she will be impregnated by some bad spirits), and still many more.

These beliefs are so entrenched into my mom’s system that anyone who would oppose her views will never see the peacefulness of day again – because she will do everything in her power to nag or to badmouth her adversary.

This is what happened when our house was built. She believes that a house’ entrance should face the east (the sunrise thingy and luck). So, instead of the main street in front of our house, it is at the back – just because the damn street happens to be on the west. You can imagine us having to still walk some meters around just to reach the entrance from the main street. And no one in my family ever successfully convinced mom otherwise; not even father.

Mom also believes that teeth-grinding while at sleep is bad because it invites bad luck and misfortune, and in order to stop it, someone must slap the sleeping, “grinding” person in the face without looking at him, using a slipper (note – a slipper).

At twelve years old, I still sleep with mom – on the same bed! (I’m the youngest kid, and very much spoiled, so that explains everything).

At that time also, a seven-year old nephew whose parents had some domestic problems, was put in my parents’ charge. The boy was a huge coward, so during sleeping time we have a threesome: me, my nephew, and my mom in the middle. (My father sleeps in the farm to guard our livestock).

And here’s the problem: my nephew was so stubborn, and cunning, and lazy, and a certified scoundrel. He takes everything from me, ruins my day, pisses me off, and steals my mom’s attention. Everything I hate, he does. And he does it just to make me miserable.

So, he was an enemy. How I wished I could hit the bastard on the face, or strangle his neck without my mom knowing it.

My other problem with this nephew was that while on sleep, he grinds his teeth so hard that it wakens me up in the middle of the night. Not only that, the grinding is so eerie that my hairs would stand!

So there were a lot of reasons for me to get even with the stinker.

Since I knew mom would hate it, I told her about my nephew’s teeth-grinding; and her advice?  Slap him with the bloody slipper while he’s asleep and without looking at him.

Ah... sweet revenge! It’s payback time! The devil in me exclaimed.

So armed with the blessing of my immaculate mom, I excitedly prepared the holy slipper beside me before going to bed.

Then bedtime came. We said our prayers, and lay on the bed together – with mom in the middle, as usual. And almost immediately, the two of them fell asleep. 

I waited for the big event.

After a few hours, the scoundrel started to grind his teeth... Immediately, with careful approximation (not to hit mom), I swung the slipper without looking, “Plap! “

I observed.

But the bloody grinding continued so I again swung my arms more forcefully and quickly, “Plap! Plap! Plap!”

Still the grinding continued and even got stronger and stronger!

I was damn furious. I stood up, went to father’s room and took father’s leather shoe. I chose the one with the thickest heel like a whole kilo of weight.

“OK, let’s see if you’re not going to stop on this one”. I murmured.

Then I lay back on the bed, positioned the shoe in my hand and held it tight in a way that the heel in its full force would land on my nephew’s face. I closed my eyes (so I won’t see my target, as per mom’s instruction), gather my composure, and with a fiery force swung the leather shoe into my nephew’s face.

“KA-BLAGGGG! “KA-BLAGGGG! “KA-BLAGGGG!

Suddenly, mom rose up. I thought I saw her like a possessed woman with her long hair drooping and so tousled, partly covering her face. Then she faced me, and –

“SON-OF-A-*****!!! Why did you hit me! O my God! O my God, O my Godddddddd!!! What did you do to my mouth! OUCCCHHHHHHH!”

“Errrr... Mom, a... err... I’m sorry. I just followed what you said, a... er... to slap Emilio because he’s grinding his teeth...” I reasoned cowering in fear.

“To slap Emilio but you slapped me, you DEVIL! And why did you use a shoe?! WHY DID YOU USE A DAMN SHOE!!! I TOLD YOU, SLIPPER – IDIOT – SLIPPERRRR!!! HUHUHUHUHUHU!!!”

I felt that the world had disintegrated before me. I didn’t know how to pacify mom at that point. I just stayed put coyly and frightfully, absorbing massive doses of invectives, and encouraging her to release some more on me.

And while mom was busy shouting all the world’s curses and profanities, Emilio was in the corner holding back his laughter and making faces.

My whole night was a total destruction. I was evicted and forced to another room; I could not sleep with mom’s loud and lengthy sermon, and there’s the little devil dancing and relishing his happiness and victory.

Since then, mom never allowed me to sleep with her on the same bed again. And as for my nephew, he continued to be the little rascal that he was – braver than ever, pestering my days like hell.