Jeff...

The Boy Named Jeff

Probably one of the most critical juncture of my life was when I was in the big city looking for a job and stayed jobless for sometime. I had no money, no friends. I had problems with boarding house and I was far away from home. I was pretty hopeless. I thought I carried one hell of a problem.

Almost every night I would go to the Cultural Center, a few meters from my boarding house. It was for me a spot where I could find refuge from the many problems I faced: to feel the air, to introspect, to cry, and as always, to blame myself and everyone.

One night while I was sitting on this grassy part near the Phil-cite area, a teenager-like eighteen years old approached and simply sat down near me. He was medium-built, with long hair, and around 5’8” in height.

At first he was kind of oblivious I was there. He just sat as if ruminating on something. He stayed that way for a couple of minutes. Then later he glanced and pushed himself beside me and inquired if I had a companion. I told him that I was alone and just relaxing.

Suddenly, he took an ice pick and aimed it on me. I thought I saw an angel suddenly transforming into a devil.

“Give me what you have in your pocket or I will bury this damn ice pick into your flesh!” he threatened in an anxious voice.

Although I feared for what harm he could do to me at that time, I told him “I have no money. I came from the province just a month ago and I could not find a job yet. My life has no meaning and I want to die. If you want, you can kill me!”

Probably struck in what I said, he stared at me. I thought he would swing the ice pick into my chest. But instead, he put it down, stooped, and cried like a kid.

“What’s the matter, are you not going to kill me or something?” I asked sarcastically as I cautiously took away the ice pick.

He stayed motionless for a while then wiped off the tears from his face. There was some nervousness in my system. But realizing the sudden turn of event, I became like flabbergasted.

He still did not talk nor attempt to move. Sensing that after all, he could have been a good person and just having some problems, I attempted to talk to him. “My name is Mike. What’s yours?”

“Jeff”.

“So, why did you cry, Jeff?” I asked still unsure if he would want the conversation to move on.

“I just remembered something...” he said diffidently.

Silence.

I thought I would leave him but my curiosity of knowing what bothered him deep down prevailed. I cracked the silence by telling him that I was new to the place and was only there to have a time with myself. I told him how I missed my family, how I wanted to come back home but I could not because I had to prove to them that I could stand on my own... but never realized how difficult it was to stay in the big city without money, without a job, and without friends.

He just kept silence, but I could feel he was listening to every word I said. “How about you?” I said looking at him.

He did not answer. To beat his shyness, I pointed the ice pick on him kidding, “OK, tell me what your problem is or I will bury this damn ice pick in your flesh!” mimicking what he did.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” The two of us laughed suddenly. Then he pushed himself to sit beside me again.

“So, how many people have you already victimized?” I joked.

“Please... and for the record, I never mugged anyone in my life except you, ok?”

“So, why did you do it? And what the heck did you cry for?”

His facial expression turned serious. Then he started to talk, “I remember my older brother. He could have looked like you. He is the only one I have “

“Why, what happened to him?” I asked.

“I am from the province too. When I was 10 years old (and my brother was fourteen then), both our parents died from an accident. Immediately after our parents were buried, my brother went to Manila to find his luck while my uncle took care of me. Since then, I have never heard from my brother again. My situation with my uncle was like hell, he never treated me fairly. And one thing I hated so much was...”

“Was what...” I butted in.

“He sexually molested me!” He said sadly as tears rolled down his face. There was anger in his eyes. “Almost every day when his wife would be away he would ask me to come to his room and would threaten to kill me if I would not obey. Every time he did it on me, I felt my dignity was taken away... I had no one to trust, no one to turn to, no one to love, and the world was full of shit! I didn’t go to school, and have nothing... Then after a year, I decided to follow my brother. I stowed away in a ship... But, even here, I don’t know who to trust. And I don’t even know how to find my brother...”

I did not know how I truly felt having heard his story. It was so strange and heart-rending I could not even believe an uncle can abuse his own nephew, and after what happened to his parents.

“So how do you survive it here?” I asked again.

“I have friends, and I service them...sex. Yeah, I know I should not tell you this, but, what is it to you, anyway. Sometimes, I feel I can’t hold on to it anymore. I am tired and afraid of many things... “

“Then find another job...” I suggested pretending like it was so easy to find one.

“I tried, but I always landed in a hard labor. Then, I thought mugging could be a good alternative, and here I go with you.”

I released a sympathetic smile. “And what is your plan now?”

“I don’t know...” He paused. “But, you know” he continued “I still believe that there is a reason why I am still here until now. I could have died of starvation, of ailment, of accident, or salvaging... but I am alive!” releasing a faint smile.  

“Really...”

“Yeah, I’m sure... But just look at the grass; it is not affected by how excessively you step on them, remove them, eliminate them... they just grow and grow. If there must be a reason why the grass grows, then there could be a special reason for me too... And I am not a grass. I am a human being. Maybe one day, I’ll finally see my brother... that’s all I wanted.”

I didn’t know how long had I stayed and talk with Jeff that night. But all I knew was that he tried to trust me. And of the many more things he told me, his determination, strength, faith, and optimism in life just hit me hard.

When we finally parted, I told myself, “Yeah, I complain so much about my little problems. And here is one person carrying the whole world on his shoulders... yet is spite of all the odds still believed he could one day find his dream.”

I didn’t see Jeff anymore after that. But all I wished was for him to have found the simple dream that he really wanted. And I had the chance to see him again, I would have told him, “You know what? I guess you have helped in some way to bring me up to where I am now. And thank you for opening up my eyes; to appreciate the things that I have but for which I take for granted. Thank you for showing me the other side of life...”