Mom...

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

I was on my way to the drop off terminal for GF passengers bound for Bahrain to Manila. It was 19^th of April 2007 and the temperature was peaking at between 35 – 40 degrees centigrade. It was the first time I would go for an early vacation; early because I would go one-and-a-half month earlier prior to the completion my one-year contract.

That would have been a perfect vacation; my kids were on a summer break, and the hot Philippine summer temperature could drive us to search for refuge in resorts or beaches. It could be the sought-after break for me and my kids – a perfect time for bonding and make up for lost time.

But, that was not really a vacation; part of it was an emergency leave.

Two weeks earlier, I received information that mom had a stroke. Her condition was serious; half of her body was impaired, her speech was unintelligible, and would throw out. The doctors said she was getting worse by the day due to complications. I was devastated. And I felt my heart was smashed into pieces to learn that in spite of her speech impairment, she would struggle from time to time to mention my name and ask why it took me a long time to come home. Every time they would tell her I was not home yet, she would release a deep breath, her face showing extreme impatience and agony. Everyone in the family thought she could have only been waiting for me.

My mind flashed back to the last time I talked with her in my previous year’s homecoming. It was a week before I was to leave – back to Saudi. She was at the kitchen washing the dishes. I approached from her back, sat on the chair and watched her as she did her chores at a seemingly snail's pace. She was a frail, stooping, quaking, tired old lady trying her best to do the things strong people could easily handle.

“Mom, in a week’s time, I’d be leaving you again.” I said in a cautious tone not to upset her.

But it seemed the words I uttered were too heavy to handle. She froze, laid down the dish into the sink and slowly turned around to face me. Her face looked so gloomy, as her tears rolled down. I stood up to receive her hug. She hugged me like it was her last.

“Oh son, I don’t know... I don’t know if I will still be alive to see you in your next vacation! I hope I can still kiss you and hug you like this...” she wailed as she leaned her head on my shoulder. I could not think of a word to say. Seeing mom so sad, so insecure and talking about death made me feel infinitesimal and helpless. My tears started to flow as our sobbing filled the room.

That was the last time I talked with mom. I knew that all she wanted was to hug and kiss me for the last time...

When I finally arrived home, mom was asleep. My four nieces who took turns taking care of her told me that all she does was close her eyes and when she opens them she would ask if I had already arrived.

I sat beside her bed. She was so thin, frail, emaciated, and her breathing seemed exhausted. My tears just flowed down. I knew it was just a matter of time. I felt so worthless. “Here was this woman who gave me life and unconditional love; the woman who took care of me, nurtured me, influenced me, inspired me, protected me, and helped me to become the person that I am; the woman who sacrificed so much and was willing to give up everything for me... fighting for her life and I can’t help her!” was all my mind could say.

The following morning, mom woke up already. As I came, I sat beside her bed as my niece introduced me, “Lola, Tito Mike is already here? Here, here Lola, this side of your bed! Tito Mike is here!”

Looking disoriented, she moved her head slowly and as she transfixed her eyes on my face, her tears flowed. She tried to extend both her arms for a hug but as her body was half-paralyzed, she could only move limply her right arm. I couldn’t explain how I felt. I hugged her and kissed her cheek then I pressed my cheek on her lips for me to feel her kiss too. I did it many times over. All of us in the room cried, perhaps because of happiness that mom and son were reunited, or perhaps because it had to be a painful one.

“See mom... it’s my vacation and you are still able to kiss and hug me!” I kidded to make her laugh. Even with the tears on her face, she released a huge smile.

But that was her last smile. Few days after that, mom passed away. It was 3^rd of May, 2007; few days before mother’s day.

During the burial, I uttered to her the words I would have always wanted to say, “Mom, thank you for all the things you have given me; for all your sacrifices, for the love, for giving me life, for being my strength and inspiration, for being my friend, guardian and protector, for simply being there for me in all my ups and downs.... And thank you too for being a part of my life; for being my mom. Thank you for the final hugs and kisses, for the smile. I will treasure them and everything you have made me. Thank you for the sacrifice of waiting. Without you, things will never be the same again. I have lost a loving mom. I have lost the very woman whom I could bank on with all my problems and pains. I have lost a teacher. I have lost a consoler. I love you, mom. I love you so much. Happy mother’s day and may you rest in peace...”